Monday, December 8, 2008

What Make A Malaysian A Malaysian

You can name all the players from the the English Premier League, but ask you to name one football player from Malaysia , one name also cannot come out.

When StreamyX come, you complain StreamyX too slow. When Maxis Broadband come, you complain Maxis Broadband always disconnects. When WiMax come, you complain Wimax too expensive. In the end, you say StreamyX still the best lah.

When toll price increase, you complain. When petrol price increase, you complain. When you go Starbucks buy RM10 coffee, NO COMPLAINTS.

When you cannot find parking in a shopping mall and have to walk very far, you complain. When you go inside the shopping mall and there's SALE, run from one end of 1Utama to the other also NO COMPLAINTS.

You are always late. And the excuse you give when you're late is always either: (a) traffic jam (b) no transport or (c) cannot find parking.

You have a parent who force you to take science stream in high school, study engineering in Uni, then when you graduate, they ask you to forget everything you learnt in Uni and do commerce.

You know someone who can specially develop an angmoh accent when speaking to a American / British / Australian.

You complain against the government in kopitiam, you talk loud loud. Leave anonymous comments on blogs, you also talk loud loud. Attend ceremah by DAP, you shout loud loud. Then when Opposition organise a protest and ask you to go, you dun wan. Scared later kena tangkap by ISA.

Every year on the 30th April, you are one of the people below queueing up last minute to submit your tax return at the IRB.

When you pay RM10 for something that costs RM1, you blame the Chinese.

When a government service is too slow, you blame the Malays.

When a building is not good and collapsed, you blame the Indians.

When a Chinese student won a scholarship, you say 'Wah! Very clever hor?' When a Malay student won a scholarship, you say 'Aiya! Of course lah! He Malay mah!'

When an angmoh stranger kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you very happy. When a Malaysian guy kiss you on the cheek to say hello, you slap him.

Chinese English?? Don't Play Play (Part 2)

Chinese English?? Don't Play Play (Part 1)


Dare to take Thai Airline???


Sunday, November 30, 2008

Boss Vs Me

When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,

When my boss takes a long time,

he is thorough



When I don't do it,

I am lazy,

When my boss does not do it,

he is busy,



When I do something without being told,

I am trying to

be smart,

When my boss does the same,

he takes the initiative,



When I please my boss,

I am apple polishing,

When my boss pleases his boss,

he is cooperating,



When I make a mistake,

i am an idiot.

When my boss makes a mistake,

he's only human.



When I am out of the office,

I am wandering around.

When my boss is out of the office,

he's on business.



When I am on a day off sick,

I am always sick.

When my boss is a day off sick,

he must be very ill.



When I apply for leave,

I must be going for an

interview

When my boss applies for leave,

it's because he's

overworked



When I do good,

my boss never remembers,

When I do wrong,

he never forgets

Read Slowly and Enjoy it

Two old friends - a Chinaman and a Malay were having a conversation recently ....

Apek: Lu potong zaka ada bagut ka?

Ali: Manyak bagus. Bila lu potong haa, lu punya barang manyak bersih loo.

Apek: ?!! err ... saya kawan ala cakap, potong zaka aaahh.... manyak ploblem..

Ali: Apa problem?

Apek: Manyak buang lui, lagi aahh ... dia punya performance tadak bagut...
manyak cinang semputloh ...

Ali: Cehh... apek, lu apa cerita... saya suda lama potong. tada apa problem... bini saya manyak puas woo.

Apek: Lu mini puas sama itu potong zaka ka?

Ali: Ya laa. Bila lu potong aahh... lagi sedap main woo. lu lagi lambat pancut..

Apek: ???!!! err... lu punya 1.3 atau 1.5??

Ali: ??!! woi apek cakap baik2 sikit ha ... saya punya 6 inci laa.

Apek: ??! Tiu nia ma... lu jangan main2 haa... mana ada potong zaka 6 inci.

Ali: Cilaka apek ni...nah tengok (opens his trousers)

Apek: Chee sin punya olang.....gua tanya baik2 ... lu tunjuk lu punya lanchiau..

Ali: Abis... lu tada percaya..saya tunjuk la..

Apek: Saya tadak tanya sama lu punya lanchiau. Saya tanya lu pasal itu nasional car... potong zaka. bolo punya olang..

Ali: Aiya... apek... lain kali lu sebut betul2 la....kasi susa saja..Bukan potong zaka la..... proton saga........

How Malaysian do Business?

(1) Korean Man said:"I build 2nd bridge need 300k. 100k for material, 100k for handwork, 100k for profit".
(2) American Man said:" I build 2nd bridge need 600k. 200k for material, American's material DA best, 200k for handwork, American's handwork DA best, 200k for profit, American's living standard high".
(3) Malaysia Man said:"I build 2nd bridge need 900k...". Mr asked:"Why so expensive?"

(4) Malaysian Man answered:"I take 300k, you take 300k, the balance 300k give Korean Man to build the bridge..."

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Bus can jump?

When the fuel price is expensive


Are they crazy?

Oldest IT Programmer

Malaysian English

Who says our English is teruk.? Just see below - Ours is simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc.........

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY .
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want la...

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're
coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time.. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why like that....

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you,
Malaysians: like that also don't know how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Funny but true!

Three answers most scared by men, include myself!

1.Whatever
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want la, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good la, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..

2.Anything
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good la, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a cafe and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything


3.You decide
Men: Then we just go home lo
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want la
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it la... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk lo. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anyting
(Look around... no one here, gonna kill her....)

Do you believe these are theToilet signs?




Can you differentiate which one is for male and which one is for female? Sure you can :)

Monday, August 11, 2008

Me and My Boss

When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough

When I don't do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy,

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked

When I do good, my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong, he never forgets

Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (Anyone)

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) and I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's
this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being
sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't
have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (Sorry)

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

What is a PERFECT wife?

A perfect wife is someone who doesn't need anyone to make her happy, but needs you to make her feel complete.

Sunday, August 3, 2008