Teacher: Ah Kau, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how
much would your father still have?
Ah Kau: $10.
Teacher: You don't know Maths.
Ah Kau: You don't know my father la!
Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum.
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But but but....I will only get my report card tomorrow ???
Mother: I know that, but I'm going Hong Kong tomorrow so I'm scolding you
now.
Father: Why did you fail your Mathematics Test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3 + 5 = 8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8.
On Wednesday, she said 6 + 2 = 8.
If she can't make up her mind, how I know the right answer one ???
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No la, mine is undying love only !!!
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: Same as me la.
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He only became a father when I born lo !!!
Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
Simon: No la, teacher. It's the same dog!
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I tell you she's no good!
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: Singapore , Sir.
Teacher: Which part?
Student: All of me ma....
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
" What did you get?" asked his father.
" My marks are under water," said the boy.
" What do you mean 'under water'?"
" They are all below 'C' (sea) level !"
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Thursday, May 22, 2008
2 FREE tickets to Bejing Olympic 2008 to be won!
Recently found that there is a competition allow you to win "2 TICKETS AND ALL EXPENSES PAID INCLUDING AIR FARE TO THE 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES IN BEIJING, CHINA". Actually is very easy to participate. Just view the given photo and correctly answer the following questions and send to International Olympic Committee, Private Bag, Lausanne , Switzerland:
1. Which student seems to appear tired / sleepy?
2. Which ones are male twins?
3. Which ones are the female twins?
4. How many women are in the group?
5. Which one is the teacher?
6. Which two just finished a joint?
Haha........i don't think you manage to answer all question. Either pay on your own expenses or don't go at all.
NEVER LIE TO A WOMAN!
A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends.
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?"
You'll love the answer...
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....."
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I'v been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to Do?"
You'll love the answer...
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....."
Monday, March 10, 2008
Jokes for everyone
The following jokes is dedicated for those know Malaysia to laugh...
To increase own reputation, Sami Vellu produces a setem with own face and sell it. After one month, he goes to check its sales performance.
He asks chief office of Post Office: "How is the sales?"
Chief: "The sales not bad, but people always complaint the setem cannot be sticked."
Sami: "How come?" He tried it and the setem can be sticked firmly on the envelope.
Chief says: "But everyone spit the saliva on the front page!"
To increase own reputation, Sami Vellu produces a setem with own face and sell it. After one month, he goes to check its sales performance.
He asks chief office of Post Office: "How is the sales?"
Chief: "The sales not bad, but people always complaint the setem cannot be sticked."
Sami: "How come?" He tried it and the setem can be sticked firmly on the envelope.
Chief says: "But everyone spit the saliva on the front page!"
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
30 ways to know if u're a Chinese
This is a good one....although i must say "SOME" are not true....but 95% of them are.
Enjoy!
1. You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those ribbons)
2. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has move out.
3. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
4. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. You use the grocery bags to hold garbage.
5. You hate to waste food. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. (Your mom will lecture about starving kids in Africa). You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
6. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.
7. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
8. You wipe your plate and utensils or wash them in a small basin of hot water before you eat every time you go to a restaurant.
9. You own a rice cooker and a slow cooker.
10. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
11. You fight (literally) over who pays the dinner bill.
12. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
13. If you're under age 20, you own a really expensive walkman/discman, if you're over 20, you own a really expensive camera.
14. You're a wok user.
15. You only make long distance calls after 7pm.
16. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached – it means they're fresh.
17. You never call your parents just to say hi.
18. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they'll ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
19. Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick.
They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked foods because they're heaty (yeet hay in Cantonese).
20. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.
21. You always cook too much.
22. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
23. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat buffet.
24. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewellery or electronics, computers.
25. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
26. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
27. You wrap with napkins all the knives, spoons and forks of the airline that you fly on and put in your travel bag as souvenirs
28. You never forget to take with you all the unused bath and facial tissues when you check out from the hotel because you believe that you have paid its all.
29. You will laugh at yourself when you read all of them
30. And you will always proud because you're Chinese!
True? Haha...
Enjoy!
1. You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those ribbons)
2. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has move out.
3. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
4. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. You use the grocery bags to hold garbage.
5. You hate to waste food. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. (Your mom will lecture about starving kids in Africa). You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
6. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.
7. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
8. You wipe your plate and utensils or wash them in a small basin of hot water before you eat every time you go to a restaurant.
9. You own a rice cooker and a slow cooker.
10. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
11. You fight (literally) over who pays the dinner bill.
12. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
13. If you're under age 20, you own a really expensive walkman/discman, if you're over 20, you own a really expensive camera.
14. You're a wok user.
15. You only make long distance calls after 7pm.
16. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached – it means they're fresh.
17. You never call your parents just to say hi.
18. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they'll ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
19. Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick.
They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked foods because they're heaty (yeet hay in Cantonese).
20. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.
21. You always cook too much.
22. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
23. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat buffet.
24. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewellery or electronics, computers.
25. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
26. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
27. You wrap with napkins all the knives, spoons and forks of the airline that you fly on and put in your travel bag as souvenirs
28. You never forget to take with you all the unused bath and facial tissues when you check out from the hotel because you believe that you have paid its all.
29. You will laugh at yourself when you read all of them
30. And you will always proud because you're Chinese!
True? Haha...
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Jokes: 911
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
Jokes: Never go to HR department for help!!
HAHAHA......please read this, really funny!
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been
promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the
Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR
Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager
his observation.The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down
saying;
My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So , what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many
days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14
days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager: - Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that
I was stealing Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR=HIGH RISK
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been
promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the
Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR
Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager
his observation.The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down
saying;
My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So , what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many
days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14
days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager: - Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that
I was stealing Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR=HIGH RISK
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